I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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