i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize