3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
