so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
