I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They are going to name an STD after you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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