I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
