oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
