Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
