He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My ass is underappreciated
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
