Sry I called you an 8
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
