I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
