Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
