So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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