I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
