I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
