I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
