Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
