I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
