Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
