i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he thought i was a dude.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Randomize
