he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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