My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
