Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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