I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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