if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
