One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
