she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
