To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
