Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
