you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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