I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
