I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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