Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
His nipple licking is glorious
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