Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
