Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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