I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
