we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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