I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
