you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
