i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
