guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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