A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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