i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
