i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
