I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
