You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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