she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
