I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
