I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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