you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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