Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize