He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
