Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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