remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
