maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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