I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
